Dont tell him hes cute, thats what im for. Dont touch him, I will destroy you. Dont smile at him, ill break your jaw. Dont flirt with him. Dont ask to chill with him. Dont like his pictures. Dont text him. Dont think about him. Dont try to be friendly with him.Dont even breathe around him.
Okay, I might be a little paranoid, crazy, and have trust issues but thats because girls are scandalous, manipulative spawns of the devil.
A new priest at his first Mass was so scared he could hardly speak.
After the service he asked the monseigneur how he had done
"Fine - but next week it might help you if a little Vodka or Gin was put in you water to relax you".
The next week the new priest put Vodka in his water and really kicked up a storm. After Mass he asked the Monseigneur how he had done this time.
"Fine" he said "but next week there are a few things you should correct".
There are 10 commandments - not twelve
There are twelve disciples not ten
David slew Goliath - he didn’t kick the shit out of him
We don’t refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
Next Saturday there will be a taffy contest at St. Peter’s, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy’s
The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost are not Big Daddy, Junior and Spook
Moses parted the water at the Red Sea - he did not pass water
We do not refer to Judas as El Finko
The Pope is consecrated - not castrated and we do not refer to him as the Godfather
When the multitude were fed with loaves and fishes Jesus did not mention chips
almost time to go home…. gosh! I wonder if I still remember how to speak dutch :o
I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible and when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.
today, I came to know Joy. wow!
I’m almost never serious, and I’m always too serious. Too deep, too shallow. Too sensitive, too cold hearted. I’m like a collection of paradoxes.